The Creative Process

So it's 2pm on a Friday and I sit here with a cake in front of me. It was my birthday yesterday and I have a gig tomorrow down in Glenwood. I'd like to take this time to speak of the creative process. In the last month or so I've been able to be creative, but I think creation is a muscle like anything in life. It needs that constant attention. It has all the makings of responsibility. One of the most difficult things for me now is memorizing a song after I've written it. There has been a lot of songs that I've written I admit that are still in paper form and are not memorized and they've been that way for years. Others are tackled in a day and come to the stage of being performance ready a lot more quickly and then some were performance ready, but then they lose their spark. I think we can get so caught up in that fact that we are the creators that soon all that new star dust that create songs dry up into a barren desert. I will be the first to admit that I am a hard critic to my own writing and I think so many other songwriters are as well. For me I write a new idea and it feels so very new and nice, but then it can quickly sink back into obscurity and it gets to the point where it's painful to play the song. Yet, there is that song that I write and then don't memorize, but then when I play it for an audience it gains more energy and I wish at that moment that I had had it memorized and in better working order. I think we can be so hard on ourselves as songwriters. We're always in that need of wanting more and more. We want to hit that note a little higher and this is all fine, but our impatience can create depression. As for me when this happens I come to regret past actions that I have done in the recent past. For example I find myself looking down on my indulgences, saying "Why did you eat that piece of cake?" or wondering if the morning routine could've been made more productive. Yet, again and again it's immensely comforting to know that I am a mere witness of my life. Flow exists I believe in this balance of knowing I'm in this witness consciousness and yet still living in the illusion that I'm in control. It's a very fragile distinction. There's a comphy pillow in the middle somewhere and that is where action thrives. The trick I think is to find that instance or rather not really try, but be aware. What do you guys think?